And how many times i have watched others just cut back on their eating and lose weight. How many times I have watched people go on diet plans, just eat less and lose weight. How many "celebrities" have gone on a diet (of course with all of their trainers, cooks and consultants) and have lost their weight, while I trudge on. And still have a ways to go for my goal - have a I mentioned that this journey has been a good 8 years or so?
There have been many changes in those eight years. I have lost 80 pounds - okay - well 60. Because 20 of them creeped on this last year after a health crisis. I have wanted to hide, I have felt like a failure, I have been mad at God at times, I have felt that God doesn't want me to succeed. and yet...
I keep remembering the story Brady told me (never mind that he doesn't remember it - and when I tell him he told me he is impressed with the wisdom of it.. lol) that he read about mama giraffes - when they have a baby and the baby tries to get up - the mama keeps pushing it back down. How hard the baby struggles - and oh the frustration it must feel as it longs to get up on those legs and walk - then run - and mom pushes him down again. Yet the mother is strengthening the baby - so that if the day comes - and it most likely will - that a predator chases it - it will be strong.
So I keep that tucked away.
This last year has been a downhill slope for me. We had been exposed to mold for a while - and did not know we were - I had worked so hard and long to get in shape - and suddenly the harder I worked out the worse I felt - exhaustion, depression, aches and pains, digestive issues, neurological issues. I eventually had to stop working out. This was devastating to me as I loved hardcore workouts. We found and eradicated the mold the best we could, but the damage was there - and it takes time to heal. The longer that I was not able to work out - the sloppier I got with my natural eating. To be honest - by most people's standards - my sloppy eating still looks healthy - but its not for me. So 20 pounds crept on - and my muscles are somewhat of a memory. It has been easy to feel that all is lost at times. To feel like a failure - to want to hide. To just forget it - but - alas. I am who I am. I love to get healthy. I love to learn about how foods affect my health and how I can change things by what I put in my mouth. I love the feeling of health and being fit - so quitting is not an option.
It has been a process of getting myself to the point of moving forward again - but I have finally decided it is time to press on. Time to quit whining about the things I didn't ask for, and move ahead towards the goals that I desire. To what is ahead. That will require me tweaking my thinking again - reminding myself of why I believe in healthy eating - why I believe in eating the way that I do. So that is why I have started this blog. To remind myself. Maybe no one will read it but me - and if that's the case - okay - but if some of you out there are at the same place - I hope it will be an encouragement to you.
I am calling the blog Trenchin' it because I am in the trenches - dug in. I desire to be a wellness coach - training people in how to take care of their bodies by what they eat and how to work it into their days - and I kind of like the idea of calling myself a Trainer in the Trenches - because - I have to work it daily - nothing comes easy or fast for me in the world of health. Perseverance and determination are something that I have learned a lot about - and so - here I am in the trenches daily - Trenchin' it.
I am also going to post a few pics of myself here to remind myself that all is not lost - to see that there is still a huge change from where I was to where I am now - and while I have had a setback - its just that. So a before pic and a now pic.
